Saturday, July 20, 2002
Wow. It is VERY late on Friday night. As I look at the clock, it is about to turn to 2am. What a night.
Well, not really WHAT a night. I spent it alone in my apartment. Quite the popular shit I am strutting my stuff on a Friday night.
:(
But on the lighter side of things...
I have done big things.
The house is totally different. I have done big things.
I can't give anything away, just in case peeking eyes read this...but I had to at least write for my own sanity. I may have crossed the line with some of my little "projects" I was working on. But lets be honest...if you can't take a risk while redecorating...why redecorate at all?
Right now I am listening to NYSYNC CELEBRITY. It is pretty good.
:-D
BTW...when I said earlier how beautiful and wonderful the weather was today...I was full of fucking SHIT!
Cuz really...by the time I got home from 15 mile walk from the subway...my clothes were drenched with smelly, booze from last night, sweat. Now that was some sick shit.
It was a mugfest, I tell ya.
Then...around 6:30 or 7pm, the biggest thunder storm of my existence blew through our area. It was fucking phenomenal. So phenomenal, in fact, that my stoned ass started getting super paranoid.
WERE THOSE BOMBS IN THE AIR??? NOW THAT WAS TOO LOUD FOR JUST A CLAP OF THUNDER. WHY DO I HAVE TO DIE ALONE!?!?!?!
But it was all good. I, and you are never going to believe this, thought about calling Cleo, aka Leora. I know she is afraid of this shit and if I was getting nervous, hells if she wasn't hiding under her bed. Of course, Manny close by.
I just felt bad.
But I didn't call.
Pretty tired on this end...and I feel like shit.
Long night, but extremely productive.
Paul is at his cousin's wedding. Ashley.
I am not allowed to go because I am gay.
(BTW...Paul got his job back. Will tell you why later...)
Paul brought Mariah as his date. He is acting as the "Maid of Honor", but really..."Best Man of Honor". This cousin has grown up with him and is like his old best friend. She knows all about my relationship with Paul and has met me on multiple occassions. I have known about this wedding since the day after she was proposed to. I met her before she was even engaged. Not being at this wedding sucks. Not that she is that close to me or anything...but that it is something that Paul and I should be sharing.
However, that is impossible.
Today, I came into work to find an email from my dad. It, actually, was an email to Paul that he wanted me to forward on.
It was all about Paul losing his job and how my parents love and respect him, regardless of the bullshit. How they prayed for him and are so glad to find out that he has his job back. The email goes on to say how excited they are for he and I and our vacation. That we are always welcome at my house in Albany.
It was pure love.
I did forward the email, but am unsure as of this point as to whether or not Paul has received it. (He had the wedding rehearsal today)
My family (whom I respect beyond belief for all of this) fully accepts me, as well as Paul, and wants nothing, but a happy life for both of us. They are there. They get it now. They really do. They have come to the point where their love has fully exceeded their inner desires for my life. I have arrived. My family is in on the whole thing and WOW.
I never thought I would be in the position to say that. NEVER.
But I am saying it.
My parents are cool with me being gay.
Not just cool.
Supportive.
Shit...now that is why I love these people.
But Paul's family....no such luck.
It sucks that I can't be there with him for this. I know he wants me there. He has been calling over and over. But there are lines you don't cross with his family.
I feel horrible for him. The only reason why I am really no pressure on him to "come out" to his inner circle is because I was there, and I know how scary it is. I was lucky. Paul won't be so lucky.
Right Wing. Republican. Central Massachusettes. His parents' background and current attitude don't allow for any luck involved.
It's purely God. Paul has to take the plunge at some point. But when he's ready.
And maybe...hopefully someday...when his faith in God is much stronger.
Two gay guys, who are both born again...raised baptist, Christians, surviving a two and a half year relationship with eachother means something.
It is all God driven for me.
I remember the night I was laying in my bed. It was Mid-December of 1999. I was begging, pleading with God for someone for me to fall in love with, someone to have a real relationship with.
I began dating Paul on January 9th, 2000.
And look where we are.
Tell me that doesn't mean something. It was something that changed my life and I know that God sent that for me. I was at the breaking point.
And now Paul is my yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
At least...for a little tomorrow. ;)
Why did I just ramble all of this bullshit, I don't know.
I am overtired.
I guess my subconcious took over and got rid of some shit.
It felt good.
Tonight, I want to give a special shout out to Jeannie Dreama, who NEVER writes in her blog....at least not since like February somethin somethin)
HI JEANNIE! Did you get my postcards??
I know that you read my blogger, cuz on the quiz, there is only one answer that is logical and safe.
That being "Don't do it. There are dogs everywhere..."
One day I checked the stats and I saw that that answer was answered and I thought to myself...who would put that answer???
Hmmmm......
JEANNIE DREAMA!
:-D
But I also agree with you. I talked to my mom on the phone today and asked her if I should bring anything.
(I actually did ask her)
She was like "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...."
So I expect that you and my mom would say the same thing...
LOL
JUXT KIDDIN!
But you are right. It's risky.
I will let you know what I end up doing. Understand that if the poll says that "french fries" are what to do...that is what I will do.
Okay everyone.
(everyone...like I have an everyone)
I just want to say one more time how MUCH I miss my ladies!
They have been gone so long. I have spent two weekends and a whole week in this house alone.
Come home soon. If not..."little projects" will consume the place.
You are both so wonderful. No matter what we deal with or how crazy we all get....
This house is so much more warm and full with all of us in it.
I love our love.
come home now, k?
Well, not really WHAT a night. I spent it alone in my apartment. Quite the popular shit I am strutting my stuff on a Friday night.
:(
But on the lighter side of things...
I have done big things.
The house is totally different. I have done big things.
I can't give anything away, just in case peeking eyes read this...but I had to at least write for my own sanity. I may have crossed the line with some of my little "projects" I was working on. But lets be honest...if you can't take a risk while redecorating...why redecorate at all?
Right now I am listening to NYSYNC CELEBRITY. It is pretty good.
:-D
BTW...when I said earlier how beautiful and wonderful the weather was today...I was full of fucking SHIT!
Cuz really...by the time I got home from 15 mile walk from the subway...my clothes were drenched with smelly, booze from last night, sweat. Now that was some sick shit.
It was a mugfest, I tell ya.
Then...around 6:30 or 7pm, the biggest thunder storm of my existence blew through our area. It was fucking phenomenal. So phenomenal, in fact, that my stoned ass started getting super paranoid.
WERE THOSE BOMBS IN THE AIR??? NOW THAT WAS TOO LOUD FOR JUST A CLAP OF THUNDER. WHY DO I HAVE TO DIE ALONE!?!?!?!
But it was all good. I, and you are never going to believe this, thought about calling Cleo, aka Leora. I know she is afraid of this shit and if I was getting nervous, hells if she wasn't hiding under her bed. Of course, Manny close by.
I just felt bad.
But I didn't call.
Pretty tired on this end...and I feel like shit.
Long night, but extremely productive.
Paul is at his cousin's wedding. Ashley.
I am not allowed to go because I am gay.
(BTW...Paul got his job back. Will tell you why later...)
Paul brought Mariah as his date. He is acting as the "Maid of Honor", but really..."Best Man of Honor". This cousin has grown up with him and is like his old best friend. She knows all about my relationship with Paul and has met me on multiple occassions. I have known about this wedding since the day after she was proposed to. I met her before she was even engaged. Not being at this wedding sucks. Not that she is that close to me or anything...but that it is something that Paul and I should be sharing.
However, that is impossible.
Today, I came into work to find an email from my dad. It, actually, was an email to Paul that he wanted me to forward on.
It was all about Paul losing his job and how my parents love and respect him, regardless of the bullshit. How they prayed for him and are so glad to find out that he has his job back. The email goes on to say how excited they are for he and I and our vacation. That we are always welcome at my house in Albany.
It was pure love.
I did forward the email, but am unsure as of this point as to whether or not Paul has received it. (He had the wedding rehearsal today)
My family (whom I respect beyond belief for all of this) fully accepts me, as well as Paul, and wants nothing, but a happy life for both of us. They are there. They get it now. They really do. They have come to the point where their love has fully exceeded their inner desires for my life. I have arrived. My family is in on the whole thing and WOW.
I never thought I would be in the position to say that. NEVER.
But I am saying it.
My parents are cool with me being gay.
Not just cool.
Supportive.
Shit...now that is why I love these people.
But Paul's family....no such luck.
It sucks that I can't be there with him for this. I know he wants me there. He has been calling over and over. But there are lines you don't cross with his family.
I feel horrible for him. The only reason why I am really no pressure on him to "come out" to his inner circle is because I was there, and I know how scary it is. I was lucky. Paul won't be so lucky.
Right Wing. Republican. Central Massachusettes. His parents' background and current attitude don't allow for any luck involved.
It's purely God. Paul has to take the plunge at some point. But when he's ready.
And maybe...hopefully someday...when his faith in God is much stronger.
Two gay guys, who are both born again...raised baptist, Christians, surviving a two and a half year relationship with eachother means something.
It is all God driven for me.
I remember the night I was laying in my bed. It was Mid-December of 1999. I was begging, pleading with God for someone for me to fall in love with, someone to have a real relationship with.
I began dating Paul on January 9th, 2000.
And look where we are.
Tell me that doesn't mean something. It was something that changed my life and I know that God sent that for me. I was at the breaking point.
And now Paul is my yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
At least...for a little tomorrow. ;)
Why did I just ramble all of this bullshit, I don't know.
I am overtired.
I guess my subconcious took over and got rid of some shit.
It felt good.
Tonight, I want to give a special shout out to Jeannie Dreama, who NEVER writes in her blog....at least not since like February somethin somethin)
HI JEANNIE! Did you get my postcards??
I know that you read my blogger, cuz on the quiz, there is only one answer that is logical and safe.
That being "Don't do it. There are dogs everywhere..."
One day I checked the stats and I saw that that answer was answered and I thought to myself...who would put that answer???
Hmmmm......
JEANNIE DREAMA!
:-D
But I also agree with you. I talked to my mom on the phone today and asked her if I should bring anything.
(I actually did ask her)
She was like "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...."
So I expect that you and my mom would say the same thing...
LOL
JUXT KIDDIN!
But you are right. It's risky.
I will let you know what I end up doing. Understand that if the poll says that "french fries" are what to do...that is what I will do.
Okay everyone.
(everyone...like I have an everyone)
I just want to say one more time how MUCH I miss my ladies!
They have been gone so long. I have spent two weekends and a whole week in this house alone.
Come home soon. If not..."little projects" will consume the place.
You are both so wonderful. No matter what we deal with or how crazy we all get....
This house is so much more warm and full with all of us in it.
I love our love.
come home now, k?
